shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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