Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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