tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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