He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
