They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
