happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
