I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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