PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
