Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
