I wish they made helmets for livers.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the liver wants what the liver wants
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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