my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
