he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
