This show inspires me to have sex in space
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
