im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
