Where is the hickey?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
