Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
