Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
