So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
