I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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