Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
