it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
