I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
