??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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