Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
