do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
