Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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