Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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