its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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