trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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