Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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