Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize