PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I faked an abortion last night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
