Only a mothe r could love this liver
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
