it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
