at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
