look no pants
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
