i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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