you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
