They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
