He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
