Where did you get a picture of my penis
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
