saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
