So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
