girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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