Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
