All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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