if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
