do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
