It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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