remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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