Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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