I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
is this the sara with the beer cane?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
