You just made me feel so damn special
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
