last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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