Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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