i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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