Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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