he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
