4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
