New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
