Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
