those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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