if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
