My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
