I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
