How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
