I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
