it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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