i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
